She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
