Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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