I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
