I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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