Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
