your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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