Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
