I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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