I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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