So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
