I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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