fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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