i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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