Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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