I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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