Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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