im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
