Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
