i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This baby is an asshole
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You are the jesus of drinking
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
