Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
