Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
