I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I AM VODKA MAN
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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