Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
