I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
