Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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