It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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