I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
