I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
