we have officially mastered the walk of shame
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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