Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
