I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
