I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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