i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You made out with two different species that night
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
