Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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