And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
