he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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