Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
