We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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