I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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