Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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