Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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