I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
