Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I love you.
Bad choice
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize