If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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