Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
and you said cock pushups were impossible
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
