i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
