I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Screwed.edu
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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