And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
