I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
