yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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