i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
