Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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