All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
