I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
