I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
why is half of my head shaved?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
