I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My cat gives me a boner
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
