FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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