I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
