Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
