she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think your dad took our porno
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
