My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
