You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
