She said her name was "party"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
