I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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