This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
