I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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