remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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