When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize